Seeing as I have no money to actually buy video games
coupled with the fact that Verizon's idea of "high speed internet" is
500kb/s , which means won't be able to pirate(scratch) wait patiently for a
Steam sale, I've decided to begin my "Most Overrated" series where I
take the things you all know and love
and shit on them for no apparent reason. In keeping with the spirit of my blog,
these posts will carry on my tradition of crippling negativity and
hopelessness. I will begin this series with two posts; the one you are reading
now, outlining everything I despise about the hype surrounding Bioware,
followed by another post with a surprise topic, Bioshock Infinite (Oh yeah.
Surprise!). So with Dragon Age 3 revealing more information, I figured I should
remind everyone that if the prospect of another Dragon Age game gets you
excited than you may qualify for diability.
Yay me.
Whyoware
I've never quite understood the reason Bioware carries a
sort of seal of quality behind its name. If this was the mid 2000s or late 90s
and the Bioware brand was still benefiting from the hype it's received from the
KOTOR and Baulders Gates series, I could understand the trust that consumers
put into the brand. However, in recent years we have seen the gradual,
spiraling decay of talent coming out of the Bioware studios with the development of Dragon Age 2 and the
complete fumbling of the Mass Effect series (And by the way, the ending wasn't
even close to the only narrative issue) along with the revealed details about a
new
Mass Effect game, were starting to see the EA cycle work it's why into the
once decent game developer. I hope you're ready for a Mass Effect: The Strategy
Game, Mass Effect: The MMO and Mass Effect: The Dating Simulator (Joke's on
them, Mass Effect is already a dating simulator).
Since Bioware loves stories so much allow me to tell you a
tale. It's the story of a game developer who squandered RPGers trust and would
prefer to talk more about their anti-marriage stance than actually addressing
the issues that permeate throughout their games. It's the story of a studio
who's arrogance alienated fans and destroyed beloved franchises. This is the
story of Bioware.
Game play
innovations, or lack thereof.
During the 90s, video games saw the largest amount of innovation
since it's conception. The first RTS,
the first FPS, the first grand strategy; all appeared in this relatively short
time and continued until the mid 2000s when video games began seeing a
stagnation of gameplay innovation that ultimately lead to modern gaming where
the majority of major E3 reveals are sequels and rehashes.
And in this regard, Bioware has done little to alleviate the
stagnation. Arguably, Dragon Age: Origins was one of the few innovative titles
in terms of game play in recent years. The mix of action and strategy harkened
back to games like Baulders Gate and Knights of the Old Republic. And yet
despite the incredible reception to Dragon Age: Origins, Bioware and EA were
not content to play by different rules; they weren't satisfied with having a
game that didn't take the mechanics of another series and just replace the art
assets and slap on a story. They instead chose the 'broader audience' approach
and showed RPG fans that they're more concerned with how flashy they can make
the combat look than they are to developing interesting game play that engages
the player.
Dragon Age 2 was a cruel joke in terms of game play, a $60
dollar prank. The pitiful amount of challenge it offered only varied by its
artificial difficulty where turning up the game from easy to hard simply
increased health amount and damage done by the enemy AI. Rather than forcing
you to approach situations depending on the positioning of the enemy and
anticipating powerful enemies ability, you can simply wade into the fray
without having the worry about your companions dying simply because the new equipment
system of Dragon Age 2 had been so striped down that throwing on some basic
armor and a ring or two would be enough to support your entire party of 3. And
this is what Bioware wanted. They didn't want new players to have to concern
themselves with carefully selecting companion gear. They instead tried to
compromised by leaving a few ring slots that don't really mean anything while
shifting all the focus on to Hawke and how 'uber' they can make him look.
Mass Effect, while better, was a marginable improvement. To
its credit, the first Mass Effect had an extensive inventory system,
unfortunately after the player reached a certain point in the game, the weapons
became vastly superior to the enemies and hindered the challenge greatly.
Regardless, there were spots where the player had to genuinely strategize. And
then came Mass Effect 2, by far Biowares easiest game to date. Jumping from
cover to cover to engaged enemies until your shield went down, ducked into
cover until it recharged and repeated until everything was dead. Even the giant
robot fetus at the end offered a meager amount of difficulty. The biggest
mistake Bioware has made with the Mass Effect series was focusing so much on
cover shooting. This isn't fun, Bioware. It isn't fun to hid behind a wall and
pop out for half a second before diving behind cover again. And it doesn't get
better in Mass Effect 3. The entire game is just a slow progression of diving behind
conveniently placed walls and boxes.
Baulders Gate and KOTOR were by no means the pinnacle of
great game play but it at least had some semblance of strategy. But today,
Bioware is more concerned with emulating more successful games and slapping
their own story over it while parading it around as original.
Are we ready to admit
that Bioware stories aren't that great?
Yes, it's true, the one facet that Bioware claims dominance
over is one of their weakest points. In fairness, Bioware does a good job at
writing some characters (SOME, as in not Fenris and his angsty bullshit) and
even then they tend to fit into an archetype that is shared across many Bioware
games. The 'tough' character (Jack, Aveline, ), the mysterious character
(Fenris, Thane), the 'witty' character (Isabella, Garrus), the 'cutesy'
character (Merrill, Liara, Kasumi, Tali), the wise character (Samara, Wynne)
and of course the boring characters no one cares about like Kaiden, Jacob,
Anders (Yeah, thanks for ruining a perfectly good character, Bioware), really
anyone who wasn't previously mentioned probably isn't worth mentioning with the
exception of Legion who manages to not fit into an overexploited archetype.
As far as main plots go you can almost always (and I'm
tempted to just say always) boil them down to 'ancient evil'. These are
antagonists who border Saturday morning cartoon villain status, complete with
illogical plots and lack of motivation. Mass Effect , for instance, tries to
explain The Reapers motivation in a grand total of about 5 seconds.
Essentially, The Reapers want to destroy humanity because humanity will
eventually create Reapers that will destroy humanity, so in order to stop
humanity from destroying humanity, the Reapers destroy humanity. I think the
only missing plot device in this arc of a story is how much Bath Salt the writers
injected their neck to come up with this shit.
I can thankfully say that Dragon Age 2 does not suffer from
a convoluted main plot, not because the writing in Dragon Age 2 is good but because
Dragon Age 2 has no main plot to begin with. I played that game twice and still
can't figure out a single reason Hawke should even exist never mind be the
protagonist of a story that spans 10 years. The most memorable part of DA2 is
when you're family is escaping from the Blight and eventually you reach the
city of Kirkwall. The reason this is so memorable is because it's the only part
of the plot that isn't a crunchy cluster bar of nougatty fuck. Your first task
is raise enough money to go on a scavenging expedition so you can raise money
(I'm not even joking). And here's the fucked up part, the amount of money you
get from the expedition is less than you raised to go on it in the first place.
In chapter 2 something happens with the Qunari because someone stole their book
or something, basically who-gives-a-shit is what happened in the second
chapter. Nothing happened during that time period that matters to this non-existent
story.
Eventually you get to the final boss fight where the main
templar lady goes crazy and starts killing people. Why? Because fuck it that's
why. Why WOULDN'T she go crazy and start killing everyone? That's what people
with white hair and black armor do in Bioware games. After some more boring, uneventful
stuff happens, Anders goes crazy, blow up a Chruch and declares Jihad against
the Templars. Let me explain how bad this plot line has been. Bioware could
have taken literally everything out of the game and left only the last 30
minutes in and it would have been enough to set the scene for the 3rd
installment. Almost nothing in this game mattered. I never felt like my
character progressed, the story meant nothing and the entire game was just a
vapid build-up to Anders destroying a temple. And not to mention, the temple
itself had maybe a dozen people in it and Bioware wants us to believe that
would be enough to spark a world war between mages and templars?
Bioware used to create above-average stories like Baulders
Gate (Of course this was back when they worked with Black Isle, a vastly
superior studio), but even then they were overshadowed by games like Planescape
and Fallout. They can make interesting worlds but they lack the resolve to give
me a reason to progress through those worlds.
Don't like our game?
Stop being homophobic.
There are plenty of game companies, and companies in
general, that support gay marriage. I would go as far as to say they majority
of gamers also take this stance. But the fervency that Bioware takes with their
pro-gay message in on a level I haven't seen in a company.
I would have no issue
with this if it weren't for EAs obnoxious insistence that the reason gamers
attack Bioware products is because of homophobia. I wish this was an exaggeration
but a few months ago EA brazenly
stated that a large portion of people who attacked the company were bitter
homophobes. Keep in mind this is coming from a company that staged
fake protests in order to promote their games and then have the balls to
act insulted. There's also that little incident of EA forging digital
signatures for their gay marriage petitions. I've never seen any other
company so quickly use misogyny and homophobia as a defense against criticism.
When Jennifer Hepler, a writer for Bioware, was attacked (in a lot of cases
unfairly) one of her infamous Twitter post accused attackers of being jealous
that she has "both a vagina AND a games industry job".
Bioware has been keen to use gay people and women if it
means being able to worm their way out of criticism. In terms of activism, I
have no issue with someone being pro-gay marriage, but to EA and Bioware these
are just PR tools that lets them use gay people as mops to clean up their mess.
They're just
assholes.
Ultimately, this all accumulates to Bioware developers just
being absolute, unadulterated douche-canoes. Whether it's telling a fan to
"Deal with it" because they complained about the hair not having
proper physics or calling
your entire forums "Toxic", Bioware developers and moderators
never fail to take their place as part of a small elite who can proudly claim
that they are among the biggest assholes in the industry.
It's a shame, I used to be a Bioware fan. Now they've been
warped to the point where they're my most hated developer of my most hated
publisher.
Oh well, at least David Gaider was kind enough to explain
the stages of denial I was feeling before I came to terms with the fact that
they've turned into an irredeemable trough of mediocrity.
Only at the end of this post do I realize I
didn't even mention SWTOR or the blatantly paid reviews of Dragon Age 2 (Dragon Age 2 is what video games are meant to
be. Right, Escapist?
RIGHT?). But it's probably for your benefit, I could write pages dedicated to
dissecting those monstrosities.
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