Games you shouldn't be excited about..

We all know the gaming industry has recently been inundated with throbbing hoards of garbage being passed off as "triple A" titles. The largest culprit of this perpetual excretion on gaming is the "broader appeal" philosophy. For those who don't know, the broader appeal philosophy is where you take your core fan base, the people who have supported you throughout your companies history, and tell them to fuck off. Now that you don't have those 'fans' anchoring you down, you're free to turn the game series into a thriving pile of cancer cells. And oh, my friends, there have been no shortage of broadening appeals in this years E3.

Curb your enthusiasm

Ryse: Son of Mediocrity

Inaccurate armor designs? Tiny tower shield? Romans fighting by themselves? Romans with British accents? QTEs? QTEs you can't even fail? God damn, Crytek, it's like you didn't even try. Yes, the developer of the Crysis series, owned by the broadener of audiences themselves, EA, wants you to broaden your asshole and buy another DudeBro summer smash, God-of-War hack and slash press X to win clone. But this time it's Romans instead of Greeks. How. Fucking. Quaint. 

Crytek couldn't even be bothered to make an interesting gameplay video. Instead, they took the opening scene of Saving Privite Ryan. There is so much wrong with this game just from the demo. Like the armor. It's so over-designed and tries so hard to look uber for the CoD crowd. And the shields, why are they so tiny? I guess you can't pull off L337 executions with a realistic shield. That

That covers the first 50 seconds of the game play trailer. There is so much that reeks of bad about this title, from the uninspiring Saving Private Ryse beach landing to the hilarious "formation" you pull before you assault the city.

I want so much for a good, realistic, game where you play as a Roman legionnaire that isn't full of #YOLOswag420 casual garbage. Oh well, I guess I'm sticking with the Rome mods for Mount and Blade for now.

Dragon Age III: Inquisition
Oh Dragon Age, what happened to you? You used to be so above decent. Oh right, broader audience.

Dragon Age: Origins was Biowares way of telling us that they still cared about dedicated RPG players. It had a decent range of classes, interesting characters and branching paths. But we should have known that the only reason it was so enjoyable is because DA:O had been in development before EAs acquisition.

I have never and will never understand the mentality of big publishers who believe they can garner more fans by trying to garner more fans. Do they really think World of Warcraft exploded in popularity because the developers said "Lets make a game that will get us 13 million subscribers."? Of course not, at least back then they didn't. Now the new Blizzard is more concerned with holding subscribers than they are with making good games. This is what happens when entertainment is melted down into a series of statistics and share holders.

These are the reasons I have no hope for Dragon Age 3. No matter how many gimmicks they can shove into the disk (right next to the on-disk DLC of course), no matter how open they claim the world is, I have absolutely no faith for this game.


Dead Rising 3
'Wooh wooh wooh' you're thinking, "Dead Rising are great games". Well, I have news. If you haven't noticed a recurring theme in this post, allow me to illuminate the mystery. Somehow, Capcom got lost up their own ass (again) and instead of trying to build their fanbase from the roots that made it popular they

Brown and Bloom: The Game

instead chose to... That's right... Broaden their audience

Capcom seems to be going for a more "realistic" version of the Dead Rising games. Remember all that fun you used to have by killing zombies with golfballs and wifleball bats? Well that's not 'visceral' and 'dramatic' enough for Capcom. They want you to pick up an AK and stay frosty,


Elder Scrolls: Online
I actually had some hope for this game. I know that practically every singe MMO in the past 4 years have either failed spectacularly or has proven to be a mediocre vomit spewed solely for the purpose of profit. But I actually had hope, and what happened? They were dashed the second I opened the video for the game play.

The second the video starts you notice the first flaw. The Hero Engine. OH BOY, you mean the engine that proved to be a perpetual pain in the ass for SWTOR the first 5 months after release? Well were off to a roaring start, what else will this quality video show us? Well not much honestly, just your typical MMO trailer, killing things and trying to look flashy (Which they never do since MMO combat is almost always inherently bad). But for the the real dirt on why this game looks like a trash heap lies in the information given by the developers themselves.

Dungeons, third person combat, hotkey based, combo system. Really the entire thing looks like another typical WoW clone with a dash of Guild Wars 2 thrown in for shits and giggles. The lore is COMPLETELY fucked (Really. Nord working with Elves? Yeah, ok) and the combat looks just as boring and uninspired as every other MMO since WoW.

Abandon all hope.

Well that wraps up the games I'm pretty confident will turn out to be mediocre to terrible.

Remember this shit? Me neither. I tried to suppress the memories.

The games on the horizons undoubtedly have potential and a lot of them I WANT to succeed. But there are games coming that I didn't even mention that will turn out to be terrible. Halo 5 might be terrible, espeically considering the colossal box of disappointment Halo 4 was, Battlefield 4 will PROBABLY be terrible since it melting more and more into the COD cycle while EA shits out more funding for DLC packs that don't all get released before the next sequel is announced.

And to be honest, I love good games, but hating bad ones is almost just as satisfying.